There seems to be no end of humorous stories involving chickens and my aim is to present as many as possible in this series. So grab a coffee and have a read of the latest tales from the Funny Farm.
Forgot My Contact List (Kristy Robinson)
Chicken Keeper’s Contract (Moth Lane Brewing)
Feel free to use this document specifically designed for such uses
CONTRACT BETWEEN HUMAN PARTY AND X NUMBER LAYING HENS
This agreement (the “Agreement”) is made and entered into on this ____ (day) of _____ (month) ____ (year) (the “Effective Date”), by and between (enter your name) (the “Human Party”), and # laying hens (the “Hens”).
WHEREAS, the Human Party has constructed accommodations and food and water infrastructure for the Hens to reside in comfort and safety.
WHEREAS, the Hens are capable of laying eggs on a regular basis.
NOW, THEREFORE, in consideration of the mutual promises and covenants contained herein, the parties agree as follows:
ACCOMMODATIONS AND CARE. The Human Party agrees to provide suitable accommodations and care for the Hens including, but not limited to, appropriate food and water, regular cleaning and maintenance of their living area, and protection from predators.
OWNERSHIP OF EGGS. The Hens agree to lay eggs on a weekly basis for the Human Party, and the Human Party shall be the sole owner of such eggs.
EGG COLLECTION. The Hens shall lay the eggs in their designated nesting area, and the Human Party shall collect the eggs on a daily basis.
COMPENSATION. The Hens shall not receive any monetary compensation or other form of payment in exchange for their egg-laying services.
TERM. This Agreement shall remain in effect until terminated by either party with 30 days’ written notice.
TERMINATION. In the event of a breach of this Agreement by either party, the non-breaching party may terminate this Agreement immediately upon written notice to the breaching party.
GOVERNING LAW. This Agreement shall be governed by and construed in accordance with the laws of the jurisdiction in which the Hens are located.
IN WITNESS WHEREOF, the parties have executed this Agreement as of the date first above written.
Your Name, Signature
# Laying Hens, Hens’ Scratch
Chicken Meeting (Dave Hawkins)
We were having a meeting about why the stock market keeps fluctuating and other various geopolitical events, very important things, when my daughter threw out some pretzels. We all agreed pretzels cause inflation.
Baptist Buffets (Rhonda Gable Hammons)
It looks like a Southern “Sunday afternoon supper on the grounds” (translation: potluck picnic on church property after the morning service – it’s a Southern Baptist “thang”). I wonder if there will be baptisms in the creek afterward?
FUN FACT: It is a universal truth, the “universe” here IS the Southern United States of America, you know, because most of us are so in love with where God planted us we are happy to grow and bloom in the beauty here we never want to leave. And we’ve got NASCAR, Football (American mostly), Coca-Cola, and Chick-Fil-A, so there’s that.
Uh, where was I? Oh, yes! Fun Fact: It is a universal truth that Baptist preachers are known to time their sermons and alter calls to end no later than 12:15 p.m. so the congregation can make it to lunch at their chosen buffet establishment by the reasonable time of 12:30 p.m. Knowing this, the pastors, priests, shamans, and what-have-you of other denominations systematically plan to release their congregations earlier in order to, according to the famous Southern sayin’, “Beat the Baptists to the buffet”. Interestingly, this sayin’ is only heard here in the Southern United States between the hours of 8:30 a.m. and 12:15 p.m. on Sundays. And it is never heard in a Baptist church as we good Christians would not want to offend our Baptist brothers and sisters.
Don’t ask me how preachers, pastors, priests, and shamans know how to put a lid on the working of the Holy Spirit on a crowd of parishioners being “fed” by His movings at precisely the right time so the flock can head to the nearest buffet establishment to feed their families and satisfy their grumbling tummies, but they can do it without fail every Sunday morning. And even better, they can box that Holy Spirit up and contain all its power and glory until Wednesday night’s tent revival service starts and repeatedly box and unbox Its powerful healings and convictions of the soul nightly, Wednesday through Saturday and again on Sunday morning.
Now being able to control the Holy Spirit portion of the Trinity so not one flock member misses a meal, well that’s some kind of skill reserved only for those ordained right there. I bet chickens wish their shamans had this gift and maybe there would be a sayin’ about beating the chickens to the buffet so no crop ever went flat on Sunday morning or at nightly tent revival meetings
Thanks to everyone for sharing their stories. Featured photo: Sammi Chicken
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Bitchin' Chickens 
Love that contract !
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