If you think that chickens are no maintenance pets and you can toss some scratch on the ground and collect eggs once a day, then you’re in for a big surprise. Chickens are magnets for predators, parasites, injuries and illnesses. Sometimes it feels like if it’s not one thing then it’s another. The life of a chicken keeper is marked by lurching from one accident, tragedy or close call to another. That’s why The Funny Farm exists: to bring some levity into our lives and remind us all that at the end of the day our birds are worth all the sweat, tears and heartache.
Jaime Williams-Messaros
So Enid nearly gave me a heart attack. She’s been doing pretty well although she is still extremely thin. Yesterday, for whatever reason, she seemed to have a little bit of a relapse. I brought her up to the house with me and gave her snuggles, vitamins, a little bit of nectarine and a follow-up dose of Amprolium, just to be sure. She seemed fine this morning even though it was storming like crazy. The storms cleared out somewhere around noon so I decided to let her and Paprika into their running pen so they could get some fresh grass and I could clean out their coop.
It’s not nearly as hot as it has been and there was a nice breeze going so I told them I would be back in a little bit and they could just hang out. I just trekked all the way up to the barn and as I’m coming over the rise I see Enid laid out flat. I called her name a few times and she didn’t perk up so I immediately thought the worst. Unfortunately I broke a couple of my toes yesterday so running wasn’t really an option. I know I looked ridiculous loping like a Bigfoot up to the pen only to discover she was sunning herself and ignoring me. I swear when I got up there she winked at me. Pain in the butt bird. I literally had to sit down and wait a few minutes before I came back to the house because I was so out of breath and panicked. It’s funny now and I’m pretty sure all of the flock got a pretty good laugh out of it, but at the time my heart was in my throat.
Britni McCauley
If this chicken lives it will be a miracle and she’ll be renamed Pearl. My favorite hen decided to rip a very expensive pearl earring out of my ear when I picked her up this morning. The little s@#$ swallowed it, pearl first, before I could get it out. My worry is it will perforate or obstruct her crop or bowels and kill her. But if by some miracle it passes without any issue, Pearl will be her name. It sucks because she’s my favorite and so was the earring. (Jewelry thief for reference).
Last week, we had a bad rainstorm and when we checked the chickens we assumed the rain had drowned one. We took her outside because she looked dead and put her in a Wal-Mart sack and threw her in the dumpster. Mind you, there was no breathing; no movement and her eyes were closed. I went to throw the trash away about 30 minutes ago and something flew up from the bottom! Scared me to death; it was that damn chicken! She was alive in there and out of the bag we put her in. She had been in there five nights and six days and still looks fine!
Shannon Cole Gabbert
Get a duck to protect your flock they said. Get a guard dog they said. I left these two in charge while I ran to the store. The A-holes broke into the house through the garage and hung out in the air-conditioned room while four of my hens got murderized. Awesome!
Rhonda Gable Hammons
I apologize in advance for my hen showing her a**. I think the broody hormones have caused her to throw off all of her inhibitions. She has no problem flashing it all. It’s like an episode of Girls Gone Wild down here in Georgia!
I’ve tried to sharpen the image a bit and wish I had a better close up. And I’m ok with my chicken’s naughty bits hanging out for the world to see, too, if you want to use the picture. There isn’t a nation where this is considered pornography, is there? I don’t want to go to jail for sending pornographic chicken images across borders or broadcasting it across the Internet. Not only am I a helicopter chicken mom, I’m a freak… just not a superfreak or I’d be ok with it. (Only people of a certain age would ‘get’ the superfreak reference.)
Funny yet not so funny post: I decided to put up a couple of fly sticks in my coop about a week ago. (Yes, I know my babies will eat them, but there are a lot in my old barn.) They have been working great until today. I was sterilizing all of my water and food dishes and refilling them and then this happened. I screamed so loud and I think one of my roos laughed at me. I wish I had gotten that on camera! Gross!
Kendra Gray
I have been lurking in this group for a long time and I just need to tell the truth: I don’t own chickens, I never have. There are no chickens in my backyard.
I’m sorry to have deceived you all but I couldn’t help myself. You might be asking yourself, “Why? How could she do such a thing?” But the truth is this: You chicken people are nuts and probably know more about chickens than Google does. Y’all are fascinating people and I live for the chicken drama.
Please forgive me and this atrocity I have committed. I will be confessing my sins to the chicken lady down the street later today.
Thanks to everyone who shared their photos and stories. If you’ve got something you’d like to share drop me a line using the ‘contact button on my homepage.
Bitchin' Chickens 
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