The Funny Farm: Hens With Attitude

If you sit with a coffee and hang out with your flock you’ll get a real education on chicken politics – which ones hold the power, who are the followers or sadly, on the outsiders of any group. There are always birds that you never really notice for some reason; they hang back, are quiet and mind their own business, trying to avoid getting pecked by the bossy hens. Maybe they are the Plain Janes of the flock and blend into their surroundings.

Then there are birds who are stunningly beautiful and they know it. Those girls don’t suffer from a lack of self-esteem or wonder if their butts are too big or their kids aren’t going to rise up in the pecking order. They come into the world ready to take their rightful place in the flock, prepared to stand up to anyone who challenges their perceived birthright. You know the type: the hens who are a bit feisty and sometimes a pain in the ass, but we love them in spite of (or perhaps, because of) their larger than life personalities.

Here are some stories of girls who fit the bill which makes them integral to their own flock and, despite our complaints, we wouldn’t have it any other way.

Kinda Homestead, Kinda Chaos

I was at work halfway through my shift when the cameras at the front kept going off. At first I only saw my notorious escapee. No big deal, it’s pretty much an every day thing with her. But a little over an hour later the camera kept going off so I looked again. To my surprise there were at least six chickens on camera. They usually don’t escape so I ran home to see what was going on. We don’t free-range due to neighbor proximity, predators and a highway right behind our house.

All 30 animals were outside the pen having the time of their lives! Apparently the hardware cloth got loose and was pulled down by the door. Chickens were digging holes like they were competing with the Department of Transportation for the most potholes awards. Goats were having gymnastics tryouts for the Olympics. The ducks ran around like track stars. I swear Luna had on a tracksuit leading the bunch.

Thirty wild animals vs. me. Just me. Uncoordinated me. In white tennis shoes. I KNOW I looked crazy with arms flailing around as I ran in different directions and in circles trying to wrangle everybody. Then it happened: I tripped over a duck. David got Goliath. I slipped on a walnut shell as I tried to catch my balance. The tuck and roll as I slow motioned became one with the earth down I went. After laughing at myself and assessing the damage I resumed backyard barnyard wrangling. It took about twenty minutes to get everyone in. I’m good, a little sore where I landed on the hip and knee and so wishing I had the video of this escapade!

Jennifer Kathryn

Does anyone else notice their chickens shaking their head ‘no’, not just to food, but even to going outside? I just asked my Grace if she wanted to come lay with me and she shook her head ‘no’. Brat.

Rebecca Billey

Karen appears to approve of my new set of nail or at least she’ll tolerate them for a while. Anyone else’s chickens have to inspect new things?

Mandda Rae

Anybody else have rude hens who wait till one is sleeping in your arms to danger call and ruin their nap time?

Sandra Flores

Paige Kuhlmann

I wanna see your least favorite chickens! I see all the talk about horrible roosters but what about all you’re a-hole hens that you just don’t vibe with? I’ll start- here’s mine: Puff, who is the lowest of the low on the pecking order but loves to pick on our four babies who have joined the flock and been accepted by everyone else. She’s seven years old and does absolutely nothing all day. Last night, when everyone was going into bed (new girls just started staying in the coop with them), I was waiting for my last to go in and I look up to hear one of my babies screaming, and here is this a-hole pecking her! I used to feel bad for her because she’d always get chased away from everything but I don’t feel bad one bit now and let my girls do their thing (they do normal pecking and chasing her but never anything really hurtful). She picks on them throughout the day and I know they gotta establish a pecking order but she’s the ONLY one mean to them and it’s getting on my nerves.

BTW: She’s been well loved her whole life and will continue to be while living out her golden years with us, she’s just a little shit! She sits on her stump and stares into oblivion almost all day besides when she picks on the babies. She’s not lonely and is well taken care of, I promise.

Katrina Hammock

I have a rogue hen named Penny who has decided the outside cats would make better mothers so she has been laying in their beds. I had no clue until she was making all kinds of fuss today. I thought she was under the porch, but I caught her in the act. Sunset, the cat, doesn’t seem excited about his new responsibilities. I collected the eggs and brought them inside. I didn’t notice any sweating so I put them in the incubator. We will see what happens. I might hatch kittens.

Thanks to everyone who shared their stories and helped brighten our day.

Sorry, but Chick isn’t a real magazine but art from a calendar by Sara Chapparo, a Seattle-based freelance graphic designer, artist/crafter and animal lover who plans to have a farm sanctuary one day. Images used with permission.