The Funny Farm: When Chicken Math Strikes

I probably don’t have to explain what chicken math is, but for those of you who don’t know, it’s the insidious habit of acquiring a few more birds than you had originally intended. I often post memes on my Facebook page that point out this phenomenon – it may hit close to home, we know that it might apply to us, but shrug it off. Chicken math somehow sounds more benign than chicken addiction, but in some cases I think they are interchangeable. If you stick to the adage “Know your limit, play within it” you’ll both enjoy your flock and provide us with a few laughs along the way.

Holly Smith

So there I was, minding my own business, picking up feed. And then I looked over and I was drawn like a moth to the red glow of heat lamps. I tried to fight it, but the siren song of tiny chirps got louder as I drew near. I told myself I’d just look, maybe hold one. They were surely all reserved anyway. Then I saw the sign for Salmon Faverolles and the kindly old man at the store asked, “How many?” Three just seemed so wrong and there was one lonely Marans. I heard “six” come out of my mouth. FYI: I have 16 more coming in ten days.

Jeff Schwartz

I wanted to get more chicks today from one of the stores in town but my wife was cruel and reminded me that we have nine at home, have ordered 20 from a hatchery, have nine chicks that are from Christmas, nine more in the incubator and our count went from eight last year to soon to be 47 this year.

That said, I still think she should have at least looked at the baby chicks. Maybe there were kinds we don’t have or that we NEED.

Kimberly Lee

You guys, he did it. He really did it. I got banished to the truck at Tractor Supply! He yelled, “Leave the truck running!” and hopped out at a full run! I just wanna look at the baby chicks.

Trinity J Richard

My heart is broken.

I have found out that I suffer from an incurable disorder called Chickitis. It causes uncontrollable urges to get more chickens, even if you have plenty. To suppress the symptoms you have to call your local Chicken Dealer, Tractor Supply or Co-op. All those who suffer with me know this. You are NOT alone.

Cassaundra-Aileen Taylor

I will not die.

My husband’s gonna kill me. It was just SOOOO HARD! We have 16 grown hens, 18 chicks in the brooder, one rescue, and I brought home another four. Send your prayers, cause when he comes home I’m gonna get an ear full.

Jadyn Greene

Hi, my name is Jadyn and I have a chicken problem. I just offered to take a flock of nine when I already have a flock of way too damn many. Everyone say, “Hi Jadyn”.

Sarah Brennan

We have five roosters and 17 hens. I told my boyfriend we need more hens. He said, “No, we need to get rid of some roosters. Chicken math also includes subtraction.”

What kind of loophole bulls**t is that?! Please explain to him chicken math is only addition.

Dawn McCray Holland

I almost got in trouble. Although I said I would, I did NOT silence my notifications from the local feed stores. About two hours ago, the good one – the one that gets large varieties of chicks every week – posted that they had some exciting news and stay tuned. Me, the woman who said she was only getting six chickens and ended up with 17, stayed tuned. You know, just out of curiosity. Luckily, the announcement was that they had found a hatchery with bantam pullets and they posted a list of what they were gonna be getting over the next month. Luckily, bantams won’t pull me in and I am safe again.

Thanks to everyone who shared their stories. If you’ve got a story you think is fit for The Funny Farm drop me a line by using the ‘contact’ button on my homepage.