Of course, the name of this blog is Bitchin’ Chickens and that’s mostly what I write about, but I’m more than happy to share the stage with other forms of poultry. I’ve done case studies, posts about health issues and memes featuring geese, ducks, turkeys, quail, emus, ostrich and even a peacock.
This week’s edition of The Funny Farm is about, as the title suggests, everything but chickens (slight exception with the last story). Never having kept any kind of poultry other than chickens I relied on the good folks out there to write about their birds. It’s seems when it comes to a getting a laugh birds are birds, regardless of species.
While everyone should be thankful if they have a turkey this year I’m extra thankful for this damn turkey. In March, we three chickens, then more chickens, five ducks and two turkeys. One of the turkey babies didn’t make it but TurkTurk did. We decided that “he” would be Thanksgiving dinner.
TurkTurk became my partner, Lane’s favourite bird – the calmest damn turkey I’ve ever met. When I say that Lane spoiled these birds you’d think they were going to lay eggs of gold. After Lane’s passing, these birds (along with the million other projects he left me) helped me keep part of my sanity and continue to do so. They laid their first egg the week of Lane’s and my anniversary and have been laying like crazy since. TurkTurk thinks he’s a dog and follows me around when I’m outside, even barks when strangers approach our property.
I debated on whether or not I would still cull TurkTurk for Thanksgiving dinner, I know that was Lane’s plan and I wanted to stick to it but I was definitely leaning away from it. I went out one morning to collect eggs and to my surprise, I found a turkey egg. TurkTurk was not a he, and the decision was then made for me. Instead of eating TurkTurk, I’ll be feeding her mealworms and watermelon and being thankful for the little things that have kept me going over the last five months. – Paige Phelps
What do you do when your dog apparently mistakes one of your ducks for a bone and buries her up to her neck in one of the garden beds? I thought a hawk had taken her and was heartbroken since she was my favourite. We looked all over that yard but never saw her and I only found her the next morning because she squeaked as I walked by. The dog had dug a few holes already so I think she just didn’t move out of the way of the flying dirt until it was too late. Thank god I found her when I did cause she was solidly in the dirt and never would have gotten out on her own. She’s fine by the way, albeit a little ruffled and dirty. I’m going to be shaking my head over this for years. – Margaret Ann Faustina Ashenbach
Tabitha Turkey’s Monsoon photo shoot. She was a little annoyed that I got home late so she was stuck in the rain while all of the chickens occupied the coops. I opened the gate to check on the chickens and Tabitha headed for the house. – Pamelua Bradley-Rouse
I worked last night and called my husband on the way home. He told me he was working in the basement and Layla was doing well “on her own” upstairs. I was happy to hear it and when I got home she was perfectly sitting on the couch, happy to see mom. I saw there were two eggs on the kitchen table that had been collected and thought it was odd because we have usually been getting 6-7 daily from our chickens.
I changed clothes and came out to find Layla hiding something from me. She had an egg in her mouth and was attempting to “dig” in the couch and hide it. I asked her for it. She was super gentle and dropped the egg delicately in my hand. It was cute and I took a picture. I washed the two eggs and put them in the fridge.
This morning my husband looked at me and asked, “How many eggs were on the table?” “Two”, I replied. He had collected eight!
We weren’t sure if we should prepare for diarrhea or bad smells around the house at that point. It would either be a month long egg hunt or a day full of diarrhea! I was missing six eggs.
Update: It’s diarrhea. Definitely diarrhea. I’ve never been more excited to go to work. Have fun at that stay-at-home job today hubby! – Ari McFadden
This is Terry, a broad breasted turkey. (i.e. a meat turkey). Terry went broody twice. The first time we stopped her and the second time this heifer stole chicken eggs and hid in a soybean field so I caved and let her give it a try. Broad breasted turkeys are known for crushing their eggs/babies/being an all around terrible mothers. She did crush some but we have two chicken babies being raised by a turkey mom. This baby rides around on her mom like this all day. I have found that Terry is a great mom but she is scary as heck because she takes her job seriously and will light you up no questions asked. – Christina Sandefur
This is the inside of an emu mouth, by the way. It’s just a giant gaping hole, which is how they eat lizards, rats, parts of your epidermis, screws while you’re building your shed, your financial nest egg, etc – Willow & Fox Homestead
On Sunday I looked out my front window and I caught Jamie (human) and Bert (tree puppy and unfluffed gobble-gobble) having a serious conversation. (This is what Bert looks like when he’s not showing off). I caught them at the end when they both stood up and walked off. It looked like a business transaction. Later, I asked Jamie what the convo was about. Jamie said he found odd footprints again, suspiciously matching Bert’s (basically a pterodactyl print) on his car and they had to have a come-to-Jesus meeting about it. Jamie gets pretty serious about his cars and you can’t blame him. He works hard for his things, especially his cars.
There was probably some mention by Jamie of a paid trip to Roaster Range, Freezer Camp or the Deep Fryer Spa and Resort, full marination included, but I can’t be sure. I love Bert so let’s hope he takes it seriously. My love is the only reason Bert hasn’t met a deep fryer or freezer other than listening to legend of car walking turkeys or to walk past one himself when we leave the basement door open and Bert and other various feathered puppies sneak into the basement. They occasionally will sneak and check out the human coop! Red, my original rescue chicken that got me started on this journey, has actually ventured in and all the way up the basement steps to check out the kitchen in the human coop. I really think she disapproved. Why are they so judgy? It looks like Bert was listening intently so let’s hope he has some new respect for the vroom vroom beep beep!
Oh my god, I am laughing my ass off! I hear the dogs barking so I look out the window and there’s a delivery vehicle. Amazon. Bert and Ernie, pet turkeys, are on the deck and I see her stop and look up and freeze.
I hurry up and step out and tell her she is fine and she said I’m just going to set it down here. I said that’s absolutely fine and started down the steps kind of laughing, telling her that this happens all of the time. It is at that point I realized she’s about 16 months pregnant. She is laughing and said I saw your sign so I just didn’t know! The beware of turkey sign! She said if she had to go home and tell her man that she was run off the property by two huge turkeys she would just die! Bert is King of the Porch! – Victoria Bradley Bolten
My duck, Matilda, hatched ten eggs about a week ago. During her incubation, a broody hen snuck in and took one of the eggs. Interestingly, that egg hatched a few days ago. Now, the little duckling and its chicken mom are inseparable. It completely ignores its duck siblings, finding comfort under its adoptive mother. The other ducklings are utterly bewildered by their sibling who looks like them but prefers the company of chickens. It’s quite a sight – if you’ve never seen a group of baby ducks looking completely confused, you certainly have now!” – Amanda Wilson Cooper
Thanks to the folks that shared their stories and photos. If you’ve got a story you’d like to share drop me a line using the ‘contact’ button on my home page.
Bitchin' Chickens 
cuteeee!!!!!!!!
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That emu mouth is something else ! – Alicia
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