If you think that chickens are no maintenance pets and you can toss some scratch on the ground and collect eggs once a day, then you’re in for a big surprise. Chickens are magnets for predators, parasites, injuries and illnesses. Sometimes it feels like if it’s not one thing then it’s another. The life of a chicken keeper is marked by lurching from one accident, tragedy or close call to another. That’s why The Funny Farm exists: to bring some levity into our lives and remind us all that at the end of the day our birds are worth all the sweat, tears and heartache.
Here’s a collection of stories that spotlight the highs and lows of keeping chickens with a dash of humour thrown into the mix.
One of my Ameraucana mixes, Sarah, barks at stray cats and chases them out of our yard. This is Sarah. She sounds like a chihuahua. – Melanie Nichole Baldwin
For those of us new to chickens the advice in chicken groups is horrible! You all leave out the part that to put drops on or give medicine to these beasts, someone must not only catch them, but a second person must administer the medication, all while said chicken squawks at the top of her lungs like she is dying, thus warning all the others making it harder to catch because they think they will die too! Then you must sort them somehow because they all look alike. My daughter and I looked like circus performers. We are exhausted, the chickens are giving us nasty looks and I know they are talking ugly about us. Don’t even suggest ‘go out at night’. Let’s be real, they are crazy then too. And in a smaller area, they could kill us in the coop and no one would know. The worst part is we get to do this all again for the second dose. I doubt they will have forgotten this episode by then. – Elaine Wells Standiford
Anyone else have an entitled house chicken that thinks everything is her way or the highway? I’ve created a monster! She’s adorable, but man she’s demanding. She’s literally in the kitchen standing by the fridge screaming right now because I won’t give her another grape. I don’t dare make eye contact. – Trisha English
There was a very impatient chicken in the coop this morning. I had the giggles during church checking on my girls on our coop camera. Popcorn was our first layer and is very consistent with her laying time every day. But now there are three layers. Peanut is an early bird and starts pacing the coop around 7am and lays by 9. Another girl decided she was going to start laying today, overlapping Popcorn’s schedule and was in ‘her’ nestbox. Popcorn paced around the coop making all kinds of noise voicing her displeasure, tried using the second box, but decided it was NOT going to work for her, then tried climbing in with poor Moe. Moe pecked her for it and Popcorn backed off and had to wait her turn. – Tina Marie St Pierre
I am a newish, continuously learning chicken owner and have had Plymouth Barred Rocks since July. My chicken coop and run has evolved four times since I became a chicken owner. I live rural, three acres mostly wooded and my chickens were free ranging some of the time before the days started getting shorter and colder. Now, unless I am outside, they are mostly contained in their run due to the weather and predators. We have coyotes, foxes, hawks, bald eagles, possums and raccoons in and around the woods. Probably mink, too as there is a river nearby but haven’t seen one of those yet!
I started in July with seven chickens. Then one evening in early December, when they were still ranging, only five chickens came home. The next day, I walked for hours in expanding circles extending at least a mile from my house and found no evidence of death. I thought perhaps a coyote or fox braved the cleared area of my backyard during the late afternoon, making off with a chicken, and that was that. Today, I found both of my hens in the woods about 1/4 mile from their coop! They appear to be healthy although thinner than my other chickens and their beaks and legs look much more yellow than the other girls. Their combs are significantly smaller although not frostbitten or injured. Once I shuffled the other chickens out of the coop they drank water excessively upon their return and fed for a long time.
One of the missing chickens was the dominant hen of the flock before disappearing. For several days after the disappearance of the two, the other girls seemed confused but soon enough a new pecking order was established. Today, the entire flock of five attacked the two MIA chickens and I had to separate them immediately before they were injured. I built an emergency chicken coop in my garage and brought in one of the less dominant hens to begin the re-introduction I watched them for about an hour and appears to be going well. I feel like an idiotic, negligent fool for posting this but blessed at the same time that the Magnificent Seven are back together. I just can’t believe those two young birds survived for over a month, foraging in the winter, finding food, and escaping all the predators we have around and living outdoors in single digit temperature with no shelter. I think it’s a miracle. The picture is the emergency coop. The two girls on the right are the MIAs, now returned. – Carole Vilchis
I know you guys are sick of the porch chicken saga. Me, too. But I need to rant for a minute. I made the mistake of telling y’all about my hen, Prissy, who lives on our front porch in a flower pot, and a bunch of you started whining about how she needed insulation against that cold concrete. What did I do? I went out there and put straw in that thing like it was some kind of gigantic ornate Prissy throne (which she loved, I might add). And what did she do? She invited a MAN over! Yes! I’m not kidding! He’s out there right now with no money and no job enjoying the life that SHE built! This farm junk really tests me sometimes. – Zach Whitsel
Meet Reba, the chicken who acts more like a dog and has become one of my all-time favourites. While cleaning the chicken coop today, I discovered a rat’s nest. Before I could react, a rat darted out, making me scream in shock. Hearing the commotion, Reba came running. To my amazement, she caught the rat, slammed it to the ground, and swallowed it whole. I never imagined my sweet Reba could do something so fierce! – Stephanie Steele
Much appreciation to everyone who shared their stories and photos. Featured photo credit: Elizabeth Pizana
If you’ve got something to share drop me a line using the ‘contact’ button on my homepage.
Bitchin' Chickens 
You should write a book .
Your stories are hilarious and quite often true for many of us that have Spoiled Rotten Chickens.
I have a spoiled rotten chicken named Biscuit.
She rules in indoor roost!
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