The Funny Farm: Hens With Attitude 2

If you sit with a coffee and hang out with your flock you’ll get a real education on chicken politics – which ones hold the power, who are the followers or sadly, on the outsiders of any group. There are always birds that you never really notice for some reason; they hang back, are quiet and mind their own business, trying to avoid getting pecked by the bossy hens. Maybe they are the Plain Janes of the flock and blend into their surroundings.

Then there are birds who are stunningly beautiful and they know it. Those girls don’t suffer from a lack of self-esteem or wonder if their butts are too big or their kids aren’t going to rise up in the pecking order. They come into the world ready to take their rightful place in the flock, prepared to stand up to anyone who challenges their perceived birthright. You know the type: the hens who are a bit feisty and sometimes a pain in the ass, but we love them in spite of (or perhaps, because of) their larger than life personalities.

Here are some stories of girls who fit the bill which makes them integral to their own flock and, despite our complaints, we wouldn’t have it any other way.

Camilla decided, sometime in September, that she would like to be a momma. In order to make sure her evil plan came to fruition, she smuggled eggs from other hens and disappeared for a month. You might notice that Camilla is rather small. We are pretty sure she is a bantam Orpington. You might also notice that her babies are NOT very small. They are 8 weeks old and two of them are very nearly her size. This is because the only rooster she has access to is a Cochin, and the eggs she stole are from either a Speckled Sussex or my even bigger hen, Coretta, of unknown origins.These choices in the middle of summer would be perfectly fine. Showing up with three giant babies at the beginning of winter in the foothills of the Adirondacks though? Not so fine.

Everything went well until this week when I finally let everyone out of their coop. Camilla, being the monster she is, kept her babies out ALL day when it was 24 degrees. All day, until I heard them screaaaming outside because their poor little feet were frozen. Was the door open to go back in to the draft free, always warmer, nicely bedded garage? Yes. Did she take her tiny children back in? Absolutely not. I warmed their feet up slowly and put them back with her. There were some blisters, but everyone is eating and walking around today and I am keeping an eye on them. No one is allowed outside until it’s above freezing again. I gave them all extra heaps of bedding and hay.

I normally brood in my garage, but the chickens are running around making a heat lamp on the brooder dangerous. She adores her babies, but clearly can’t do much at this point to keep them warm (her best is fluffing her chest up and sort of smooshing them against the wall with it). Help me help this mother not make an utter mess with her terrible decisions! – Lacey Abare

I think Bulla’s story is worth telling. She is blind, one eye 70%, the other 100%. When we got her she was not this blind and since we were new at having chickens, we didn’t noticed it at first. She was eating, drinking, bullying, laying, like a normal chicken. But one summer day, she got left behind by the others, and she got attacked by a young raccoon that she could not see coming. We got to her in time, but she had two very large cuts on her chest (I could see her breast bone!). We went to the vet who fixed her up. For two months, we changed her bandages everyday, gave her medicine, care and so much love she completely recovered! At the vet, she confirmed the blindness, but could not tell us its origin.

Since then, we built Bulla her little private home, among her friends, well protected. She always has company: our gentle giant of a rooster Iggy is often staying with her, making sweet noises, laying with her, so she doesn’t feel alone. She’s still laying, 3 – 4 times a week! She is my little golden warrior. She loves to cuddle, and falls asleep on daddy’s lap. Chickens are amazing and strong creatures! – Ge Vallières

Why is there always that one chicken who just doesn’t have it together? Every morning I let my girls out to roam, and they take off like pros, foraging and living their best lives. Except for Honey (aka Cheeks). Where’s Honey? Still sitting in the run like she’s waiting for room service. I pick her up, give her the VIP escort treatment, and plop her down with the others. But today, I decided to just watch her and y’all, she’s a total goofball. She wanders around aimlessly, like she forgot what she came outside for. Bless her sweet little heart. Do you think she’ll ever figure it out? Or is she destined to be my special little derpy queen forever? Either way, I don’t even care—she’s too cute to be mad at. – Cari Lyn’e

Ghost likes to get out of our fully privacy fenced back yard and visit the neighbours. This is her, knocking on the back door so we will put her back in her yard. Anyone else have a Ghost? – Eve Redmon

My daughter’s chicken got a tad spoiled being inside the house healing from an attack. She now knocks on the door with her beak when the sun starts to go down as if she lives inside. She’s outside all day though we do still have her sleeping inside for now. But she’s too used to it. She ran in and made herself comfortable in front of the Christmas tree. – Michelle King

I have an interesting situation and wondering if anyone else has experienced this. I got a two year old hen that came with an unrelated 11 week old hen. The young hen, Debbie, was getting bullied a little bit so she started following big hen (Dolores) around. Now Dolores seems to think that’s her baby so she’s not laying eggs. She roosts on her and Debbie sleeps under her wing. Has this happened to anyone else? – River Marshall

Funny story, this is a new one even for me. I was simply going to pick up lunch for my mother-in-law and lo and behold what do I see – an evasive little chicken running through the parking lot all around the cars in a strip mall. Thanks to my animal control friend and shop folks who helped, we caught said chicken roosting under my truck. I took that as a hint. I am now riding home with a chicken under my arm. Meet…er…um…Deli. Can’t make this stuff up folks! – Chesterfield County Animal Services