The Funny Farm: Tales Of Bratty Chickens

Get chickens they said, it’ll be fun they said. For the most part they are fun, but they can be challenging and downright bratty. And here are some memes that reflect that reality. Maybe folks should check these out prior to getting chickens.

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I need some feedback on whether or not I just have weird chickens or if they are normal. My girls (and two handsome gents) get fresh water every night for the next morning. Every time it rains, without fail, they go to my old planters that don’t drain well and fill up with water and they chug that dirty water like they have never had water in their life.  They do drink their fresh water, I watch them do it. I have checked for freezing of the system and it’s fine. They just get so freaking excited when it rains and they can go drink that yucky dirt water. – Latjilla Yanie

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This rooster has been special since we got him. He mates with everything and anything, but his favourite are stray pool noodles and large pieces of bark. He mates random objects probably 20+ times a day. I thought, “Ok weird, but it saves my hens backs, so whatever”

Three months ago I hatched out some chicks that he fathered. Twice now he has chased down his own son (I know they don’t know, but still, eew) and mated him so violently that the poor rooster was screaming and limped afterward. I’ve raised chickens my whole life and have never seen this behaviour. Other than this, he’s a good rooster and I really don’t want to butcher him, but SHEESH. – Anonymous

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This is Bob the rooster. Bob is three years old and although three other roosters have become stew, Bob has survived.  Bob is besties with my son, usually behaves himself around me, is super sweet to the hens, loves all of the new babies, and puts everyone up in the coop well before dark so I can go to bed early.  I appreciate this because I usually have to get up early to feed horses, haul jumps, work, etc. 

No, I can’t get one of those fancy automatic doors. I converted an unused horse stall into a coop. That, and the Silkies are dumb, they would get locked out.

Bob is a jerk to everyone but me and my son,  but he says he’s just protecting his ladies. So, I’m okay with this. And yes, he is in my profile picture. 

I’m an equine jump contractor and those horse jumps are heavy.  I had just worked 12 hours at a horse show with only a few hours of sleep. Bob decided that this was a good day to attack me when I went into the barn to feed horses tonight because I wasn’t fast enough with the chicken feed.

Dangit Bob. I was NOT in the mood. I was hot. I stunk, everything hurt. I couldn’t decide if I needed ice packs or heating pads. I itched from all of the bugs, I was pissed off at the human race in general because humans ask silly questions, but horses are cool. And I still had work to do.

When Bob attacked me this evening,  I picked him up, trimmed his spurs because they were a little pointy, and people don’t like that, and chucked him under an old laundry basket so I could feed horses without 360 degree vision. Within five minutes the hen protest began. If they were literate, they would have little signs that would say, “Free Bob”, “Homie didn’t do nuthin'”, “If the glove don’t fit, you must acquit” (if you’re old, you just laughed). The Silkies were screaming. Maybe it’s because they are idiots. Maybe they just scream. Maybe they also wanted me to #FreeBob.

I made him stay in jail until I finished feeding horses and got my nine year old son to back me up. The small human released Bob with a stern lecture. Bob rounded up the few stragglers and put the hens to bed.  Stupid Bob. I love him, the hens love him, but he is so protective. Just a rant. I love Bob,  my son loves Bob, he will never become stew. No advice needed. I will work with Bob next week.  And he will be better. If I am not around the barn, Bob gets very rude, but he is happy when I am in the barn. I also feel like roosters are like horses and reflect your energy. I’M NOT IN THE MOOD, BOB. – Katie Ho-Gland

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My chicken committed a crime today. I picked her up to pet her, started talking to her like the emotional support chicken she pretends to be. And mid-sentence – no warning, no hesitation – she went full betrayal mode. Pecked me. Right on the lip. Then tried to take my TEETH.  Never in my life did I think I’d be betrayed by a chicken. She’s lucky she’s cute. – My Lovely Animals

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Houston, we have a problem. In 48 hours, this baby chick has already been spoiled rotten by my 10-year old son and me.  I laid it down wrapped up and walked out of the room to go make my Thrive shake for breakfast planning to pick the baby chick back up within a few minutes. I heard it getting upset, then she calmed down.  I walked in the bedroom and asked my husband, “Did she get out of her blanket?“ He said,  “Um, yeah” and turned his head and this is what I saw. And this is what it’s like being a crazy chicken lady’s husband. – Trisha Hamrick

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This is Sofia. I hatched her myself. She has decided that she’s too good for the coop. Only the garage for her at night. She hangs with the other ten chickens every day, then right before I put them up for the night she’s in my garage (she flies over the tall fenced area and settles in). My daughter and I call her ‘Sofia the Great’. She’s the sweetest thing. My husband walked out this morning and said, “Why the f**k is there a chicken on your car?” I said, “She normally sleeps on the filing cabinet. It’s Sofia. She gets what she wants.” It’s funny how much joy chickens can bring. Be like Sofia. Do whatever T-F you want and make people love you for it. – Yuliana Felix

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You’re a grown woman sitting in a brand new chicken coop, wearing your finest floral boots, clucking like a maniac to convince your ungrateful feathered freeloaders to move in. I bought them a custom home with new nesting boxes and fresh straw, prime roosting real estate, and even natural light. HGTV would be jealous. And what do they do? Stand outside like I’m trying to sell them a timeshare.  This is not the life I imagined, but it’s definitely the one I signed up for. – Anonymous

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This is the face of a chicken who is not ashamed about the fact that she stole my lunch literally out of my hand. Not only did she steal my lunch but she came back to make sure she didn’t leave any crumbs. – Miranda Clark

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Thanks to everyone who shared their stories and photos. Featured photo credit: unknown

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