The Funny Farm: Chickens & Then Some

Of course, the name of this blog is Bitchin’ Chickens and that’s mostly what I write about, but I’m more than happy to share the stage with other forms of poultry. I’ve done case studies, posts about health issues and memes featuring geese, ducks, turkeys, quail, emus, ostrich and even a peacock.

I’ve also written about friendships between chickens and other livestock or house pets. This week’s edition of The Funny Farm is about, as the title suggests, chickens and other animal species that we, as poultry keepers, come across.

We have a chicken that is completely convinced it’s a cat. It refuses to go in the coop with all the other chickens, will only sleep with the cats, and eats only from the cat dish. Any suggestions on how to get her to at least go to the coop for food, water, and laying when the time comes? She’s so strange, hops on my shoulder anytime we go outside. – Megan Stewart

I’m a little embarrassed and a little fascinated at the same time. My brother moved back home and brought his Lab with him. I was so scared he was going to get our chickens because we have had a rough time with dog down the road eating our chickens. This pup doesn’t touch them. He actually looks out for them but the problem is he has been going and stealing our neighbours chickens and bringing them home to us! He doesn’t kill them he just gently carries them in his mouth then lets them loose at mine or my mom’s porch steps. Is he trying to be like a cat with a mouse and bring us presents or what is going on?!

Of course we put the chickens back over the neighbour’s fence but what on earth is going on? I have never seen anything like this. He has brought five that we know of in a two week period. – April Gschwend Sorrells

We’re on a little vacation and we have cameras up to keep an eye on the animals. This is inside of our cat cabin. I guess that hen did not make it into her coop with the automatic chicken door. Looks like she’s having a sleepover with my kitties. – Yayak Widia Ay

Chickens and dogs are NOT safe together and you are asking for death if you leave them alone together! This chicken killed one of my dogs a couple days ago. I found his body like this. – Unknown

I evicted my uninvited coop crasher, Steve the Slippery Rat Snake, yesterday and had been warned he’d probably slither back. Lo and behold, my teenage son and I went to tuck in the hens, and there’s Steve, bold as brass in the centre of the coop, with an egg in his mouth like he’s auditioning for a farmyard heist movie. My two useless roosters watching this like it is an episode of Love Island, (they may end up in the crock-pot-a-doodle-doo soon.)

The kid grabbed Steve like he’s wrangling a rogue pool noodle, while I sprinted for a bucket and lid—because obviously Steve needs to go father away than my chunky monkey self is willing to walk. No way was I cruising down the road with a snake flopping out the window like some redneck car accessory. We got Steve bucketed and lidded, then went on a chick hunt. We’d already lost one earlier that day, a little fluff ball passed for reasons unknown, RIP, and now two more were AWOL.

I thought, “Here we go again,” so I belly-crawled under my coop’s magical Narnia-wood shelf, and what do I find? Steve’s got a plus-one! Say hello to Susie, his sneaky girlfriend, probably batting her snake eyelashes at him. Into the bucket she goes, and the Bonnie-and-Clyde duo gets a three-mile road trip to new digs. The problem was, I’m pretty sure these two lovebirds snacked on my missing chicks. No obvious “chick-shaped lump” evidence, but 2+2 ain’t equaling 4 here. Now I’m down three chicks in one day, and yeah, I’m gutted—losing animals is part of the gig, but my heart’s still doing the sad chicken cluck.

I’ve been raising hens for four years and never had a snake gatecrash my coop before yesterday. Now it’s like I’m running a snake Airbnb. How do I keep Steve’s third cousin, Slithery Sam, from moving in? I need some snake-proofing tips to lock down my coop tighter than Fort Knox before another uninvited guest tries to RSVP with an egg or a chick in their jaws. The problem is the door to the coop stays open during the day, which is obviously when they are getting in, and my research says that Snake-away is about as useful as mowing your lawn with a beard trimmer.

Pic I took yesterday of one of my now missing chicks for tax. – GreenHarbour76

One morning in 2021 I looked out of my bedroom window and saw a very large rat. It was snacking on the birdseed I had foolishly sprinkled on the lawn the previous day. Cue panic, disgust, and a massive burst of motherly problem solving. I grabbed thick gloves, long tongs, and the largest plastic container I could find. Then we punched holes in the lid and captured Ratticus. He (or she) was surprisingly docile and possibly even friendly. It was only afterwards that I noticed the container’s hilarious“Keep Fresh” label.

I didn’t have the heart to harm Ratticus in any way. We ended up taking him to a local veterinarian just in case he was someone’s lost pet. I handed the receptionist the plastic container, told my story, and left. The look on her face was all shades of puzzlement, horror, comprehension and, “Just which asylum have you escaped from?”

For some reason common sense did not assert itself until I reviewed the videos and photos some time later. This is a wild rat, potential bearer of disease, and NOT somebody’s pet. I was too embarrassed to phone the vet and ask after Ratticus but I am sure that their solution to the problem would have been humane and decent. – Unknown

We have an 8-year old turkey who will sit on anything resembling an egg. She hasn’t laid any in a couple of years and she is broody every year. This year she was joined by a broody hen in the same box and the chicken eggs are not fertilized either. We had some fertilized duck eggs and no broody ducks so we figured why not let the turkey and chicken have a clutch of duck eggs. AND THEY HATCHED! This must have been the inspiration for a real life Tur-duc-ken! – Unknown