The Funny Farm: Get Chickens They Said 3

If you think that chickens are no maintenance pets and you can toss some scratch on the ground and collect eggs once a day, then you’re in for a big surprise. Chickens are magnets for predators, parasites, injuries and illnesses. Sometimes it feels like if it’s not one thing then it’s another. The life of a chicken keeper is marked by lurching from one accident, tragedy or close call to another. That’s why The Funny Farm exists: to bring some levity into our lives and remind us all that at the end of the day our birds are worth all the sweat, tears and heartache.

Here’s a collection of stories that spotlight the highs and lows of keeping chickens with a dash of humour thrown into the mix.

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Photo credit: Megan Starcher; Unknown

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This is why, as chicken owners, you can’t have nice things! They take dustbaths in your flower pot or garden. We named this one Karen. She is constantly running up to us to tattle-tale on the other chickens for being mean, and when she doesn’t feel like being held, she really lets you know it. – Amanda Sass

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So I had a dumb chicken-owner moment today. I am experienced, so I should have known better, but I had a lapse in judgment and my girls ‘kindly’ showed me the error of my ways. I was doing some cleaning in the garage and I thought I could throw a few mats outside on the brick landing that spans most of the back side of the house to get them out of my way. The area I put them in was not necessarily where the girls like to come up and stand, like the beggar children they think they are, but close enough by. They were wary of the ‘new, albeit temporary addition’ to their usual haunts, opting to talk loudly between themselves and giving them the legendary sideeye. Observing this somewhat stand-offish behaviour, I assumed, incorrectly, that I was safe from them trying to investigate and poop on the mats.

Well, I was wrong and humbled. About fifteen minutes into cleaning the garage, I realized I hadn’t heard anything from the girls. And because I know a silent flock is a flock that is getting into something they shouldn’t be, I naturally went out to investigate what was going on. They are unlikely to wander off if I am close by in case I pull out a random treat. You know, typical chicken behaviour.

Let me tell you, not only were they pooping on the mats, but they were also going to town EATING my good-as-new $40 anti-fatigue mats. I am not talking about a random peck mark here or there, but literal chunks of mat missing and nowhere to be seen. 

I guess this has replaced their Styrofoam addiction. I swear I feed these birds. They have food, entertainment, and places to exercise, but I guess even all that is not enough to deter their natural inquisitiveness. Picture of one of the culprits – Katherine Bogan

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I know you guys are sick of the porch chicken saga. Me too, but I need to rant for a minute. I made the mistake of telling y’all about my hen, Prissy, who lives on our front porch in a flower pot, and a bunch of you started whining about how she needed insulation against that cold concrete. What did I do? I went out there and put straw in that thing like it was some kind of gigantic ornate Prissy-throne (which she loved, I might add). And what did she do? She invited a MAN over! Yes, I’m not kidding! He’s out there right now with no money and no job enjoying the life that SHE built! This farm junk really tests me sometimes. – Unknown

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After hearing an alarming scratching sound at the back window, I discovered tonight’s hero: a hen named Sparkles. Usually the chickens only come up to the window when they want snacks. Not tonight. The light-sensing automatic coop door closed on half of the chickens before they got in! (We had some pretty big storms this afternoon/evening so I’m wondering if it closed early because of the dark clouds). This hero came to their rescue by making a terrifying amount of noise at the window. When I went outside to see what was going on, the stranded chickens were standing outside the coop, just staring at it. 

Sparkles, being the genius she clearly is, knew that the Chicken God would come save them if only she could get their attention. And get it she did. – Unknown

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Congratulations to our Chicken of the Month, Walnut, who earned this honour by eating a mosquito that was in the process of biting me. Your courage and dedication do honour to your flock, Walnut. Keep up the good work! – Michelle Desmond

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My lovely hen, Rebecca, decided to let herself into my neighbour’s home by jumping through her open window. I received a Facebook message from her with this photo. 

Thankfully my neighbours love all my animals but this was hilarious. It took them awhile to get her out the house – she gave them a workout. Funny thing is this same woman is the one who named her Rebecca. I think she found her BFF. – Martina Laboy

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Thanks to everyone who shared their stories and photos. Featured photo credit: Pop Of Colour Images

If you have a story to share drop me a line using the ‘contact’ button on my homepage.

“Chicken keeping: it’s all fun and games until someone poops in your coffee.”