The Funny Farm

The Funny Farm: Chicken Spy Balloon

(& Other Stories)

 Mining the depths of the ups and downs of chicken keeping seems like a rich vein to hit with its endless material. This post is courtesy of Sehar Jakupi.

Guys, I don’t want to overshare but a lot of interesting chicken-related things have been happening to me recently. About a week ago a spy balloon went over my property. I think it took a close look at my chickens to find out if I’m giving them Tractor Supply feed. I informed the government; I think they shut it down or something, not sure.

I have been neglecting my old flock because of the stress of introducing the young pullets to the run, so I haven’t been giving them treats like usual. The other day, I went in with a dish of oatmeal. My Barred Rock came at me like my aunt, who is on a perpetual Atkins diet when I visit her with an assortment of carb-rich foods. Think of a linebacker going after the quarterback.

Being a chicken keeper is like being in the mafia. Once you’re in, you’re in.
There’s no getting out until you become compost.

I think my teen is texting about chickens. So proud! Here’s what I’ve deciphered so far:

OMG = Orpington Might Go

WTF = Where’s The Faverolles

LMAO = Left My Ameraucana Outside

LOL = Loss Of Lawn

DTF = Diatomaceous Earth Fabulous

WYD = Wyandotte Yard Divas

BRB = Barred Rock Broody

TBH = The Buff Hen

ILY = ISA Lay Year-round

BS = Buy Scratch

Today’s subject is the genius of chicken math.

Me: + 2 chicks

My wife: You just got 3 chicks two months ago

Me: But I need these

My wife: 6 chickens + 3 pullets + 2 chicks = Factor in that the coop has room for 9 + you’re only allowed 9 in our area

Me: Chicken Math!!  6+3+2 = 11 x they never come to check + they’ll be warmer + f*ck the neighbors, it’s my property anyway = 9

My wife: ?!

Me: I majored in history and political science but somehow got a doctorate in chicken math

My wife: “Siri, play ‘If I Could Turn Back Time’ by Cher”

Me: Want to come with me?

My wife: “Siri, increase the volume”

Thanks to Sehar Jakupi for sharing his insights on the complexities of keeping chickens. Featured image credit: savsscarlett

If you’ve got a story to share feel free to drop me a line using the ‘contact’ button on my homepage.

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