The Funny Farm: Tales Of Roosters & Hens 2

As most chicken keepers can attest, there are plenty of things that can, and do, go wrong with their birds. Lord knows, those stories of injury, illness, predators and pathogens are my bread and butter. As much as like writing about the more difficult side of having poultry we all need a palate cleanser and some levity to balance out the hard times. I hope The Funny Farm delivers some smiles and brings us all a little closer as chicken family.

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Bestie  (Beth Osbourne)

I know you guys will get this. I go out multiple times a day and sit with my chickens. I put their feed in my hand and they come over and eat, but they don’t want me to hold them and I don’t want to force it. Sometimes they’ll jump up on my hand while eating. Today one of my Buff Orpingtons jumped up on my lap and started talking to me. My heart is full. (P.S. In chicken language obviously, but I’m pretty sure she said we’re besties now.)

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Broody Hen (Mallory Del Valle)

These *@! broody hens! Over the weekend I kept my chickens locked in the coop/run. I knew Wednesday (pictured here) was in the coop on Sunday. Monday I opened the run and everyone went about their day and I left to go visit a friend. When I checked on her to my shock and dismay she was gone. Vanished! Poof! Gone like a fart in the wind! She was sitting on five eggs and all her eggs were also gone! There no sign of a struggle. No feathers. No blood. No cracked eggs or shells. It was a total mystery. We searched for her for two days. Then I found her at the neighbour’s house sitting on all five of her eggs! How on earth did she manage to move these eggs down a ramp and over 100’?!

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Hit-Hens  (Mary Lapara)

Babette is a 3-year-old Buff Brahma who has a congenital limp. If she did not have this limp, she would have to take care of defending herself as opposed to using her hit-men (hit-hens) to defend her and carry out her wishes. Over the years we’ve determined she is the Godfather and if she didn’t have that limp and the constant sympathy and protection of my husband and I (+ her hit-hens) she would be a monster, slashing throats with speed and a smile.

I love the posts here, I was like….what? No way! Someone who really sees chickens for what they are: special princesses with the capacity to plot and plan, know just how to look at you to get what they want and stomp their feet when we do not move fast enough! They have more personality than anyone could imagine, I’ve been hooked on them for 15 years now, little bastards.

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Amorous Hen (Ann Rivers)

Dear fellow crazy chicken people, I have a question that only fits here and hopefully you can assist me. I got an older flock and many over the past year have passed naturally. I lost my rooster to predation. I am now down to these two hens. I wholeheartedly believe the brown girl thinks she is a Corgi and will walk right into the house, or fly to your chest or shoulder (often uninvited) for cuddles, or tries to hop in the car. She even rushes strangers for head scratches. Since this spring she hasn’t had a male and she has ummm, decided I am her rooster. She keeps presenting herself to me, dashing ahead just enough to squat in front of me. I have never given her any indication that I care to mate with her (extensive petting down the back) as I rescue parrots and understand that behavior. Earlier yesterday I was on my phone and she was masturbating near me. I am getting chicks for my flock but they won’t be old enough to tame this cougar for a while. Any suggestions are helpful. Willing to even try to get her a date if it will help.

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Bonnie & Clyde  (Tina Torres)

I just want to brag about my old man Clyde. He has been my only rooster for the past three years. He has always been so sweet and such a great boyfriend to the girls. He has never really interacted with me much, being kind of skittish. I recently got four new adorable ‘hens’ according to the guy that sold them to me. A few weeks later three are crowing. Old Clyde doesn’t have the patience for three young a-holes that just want to fight, so he avoids them. He’s a lover, not a fighter.  Yesterday Blackie Chan and his gang decided to attack one of my old hens. I went to her rescue and they attacked me (they are really disrespectful ass roosters).  I turned around and my old man Clyde was running over to rescue me. (I know he really came to help his girl Bonnie, but it makes me feel better to tell the story that it was me). I don’t even know what breed he is, but if I ever lose him, I’m going to be on the search for a new Clyde.

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Does Size Matter?  (Hilary Camille)

Let’s see, how do I put this delicately? For those that have bantam roosters is there a lot of frustration? We had a smaller rooster before and this guy is half his size. I don’t think he’s ever going to park it in the garage with these big hens. Our last rooster gave it the ol’ college try. Will we get fertilized eggs? Will he need anger management classes? Is Dr Ruth still alive and does she have chicken experience?

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Bestest Rooster (Angela Nazarian)

You can take away all my chickens but you try to touch my 10-year-old rooster and I’ll cut your hand off. He’s the most well behaved, most mild mannered, easiest to look at and the easiest going. He spent many years completely free ranging (his own choice) sleeping on fence posts at an orchard where my mom is the long time animal caretaker. Because of this, his toes are almost completely gone due to frostbite. He now spends his luxury retirement following me around like a dog where he is closely guarded and forced to sleep inside at night. He’s the bestest boy!

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Pillow Love  (Ben Molly)

I was doing laundry and happened to have one of my roosters in the house when all a sudden he spotted my pink bra, He grabbed it and took off running down the hall. Then he jumped on and went to town. I grabbed the bra from him and threw him a red fuzzy heart-shaped pillow. His eyes got all glassy and let’s just say it was love at first sight. Red pillow is now known as the ‘love’ pillow or Martha and she has seen lots of lovin’ from two of my Orpington boys. All I have to say to them is go find Martha and they will go get her and jump on. I used the pillow when they were young and it did calm them down and helped them gain a little finesse in the love department. Even though my boys are now more mature, they still love their pillow hen.

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Thanks to everyone who shared their stories and photos. If you’ve got something you’d like to contribute drop me a line using the ‘contact’ button on my homepage.