This is the 22nd installment in guest contributor Heide Royer’s series about the humorous side of chicken keeping.
Well we didn’t make it to Walmart since it’s so late but stopped off at the Dollar General on the way home.
Upon walking in:
Me: Can you tell me where your shipping supplies are?
Her: Sure, right past the last aisle on the right.
Me: Thanks so much! (Walk past her headed towards the aisle)
Her: You’re welcome. Wait, is that a chicken??
Me: It sure is!
Her: That’s the coolest thing I’ve ever seen! I love it!! (She calls over two co-workers) Look, she has a chicken!!
Me: Yeah, no way I could leave her in the car and she’s not feeling good so we just got back from the vet’s office.
Her: One second. (Calls manager)
Manager walking over: Is that a real chicken?!
Me: Sure is!
Manager: I’m so happy to see that!! How awesome! Thank you for caring so much about your chicken. Most people think of them as livestock.
Me: Not me. She’s my “alivestock” and keeps me going.
Manager: You two come by anytime. That’s just so cool.
Me: Absolutely! (Smiling from ear to ear).
Sometimes crazy can be beautiful to not just me
Essentials
Him: Whatcha doing?
Me: Ordering some essentials.
Him: Like what? We just went to the grocery store yesterday.
Me: Essentials! Eesh! Like girly stuff I need, Captain Nosey McPoke poke.
Him: Oh. Sorry.
Hello essentials….
Remember when you were a kid and you would be in the car with your mom and she would have to come to an abrupt stop and throw her arm across you thinking that somehow that was going to prevent you from flying through a windshield at 50 mph? I never thought I would be that kind of parent yet here we are.
Eddie was getting picked on today and I won’t have it. He gets to have a day of pampering while we give the roosters outside the middle finger.
When my eldest son was born, I remember my mother coming over to see him for the first time and she said, “Aye dios mio, que cara tan feo”, which translates to, “Oh my God, what an ugly face.” Now mind you, to those that aren’t of Hispanic origin, those are the best words a mother or grandmother can say to you.
Que fealdad. All of it. The uglier the better, EVEN if they are beautiful, because evil spirits don’t want anything to do with ugly, they only want to corrupt the innocent, beautiful, and clean.
In the chicken world, we all know if we say out loud we LOVE one over the other, a huge malady will befall them and they will die. It’s always the favorites. It’s never the colossal a$$ chunk that flogs you daily, but your sweet Petunia Maria that gets whisked off by a hawk.
So, with that being said, this little baby that I have to make my new gallery chicken, who in my mind’s eye after hatching hundreds of them, I knew would not be viable because she showed all of the signs, but for some reason I always felt compelled to TRY. Always try. As many times as it hurts from so many failures, I always have to try.
Yesterday, she was walking backwards and wouldn’t stand for very long and would end up on her back, legs up in the air, and when I tried to make her upright, she would flail around like me after a Dallas Cowboy win against the New York Giants.
No rhyme or reason, just bumping against anything to try and stay centered.
This baby could not do it.
Can I not have something go right?!
Well. I tried my tricks. Did the dern things. Prayed as always knowing this ugly little bird would probably not make it.. Ugly beast. Terrible creature. Horrendous. Said that out loud even. Said I don’t even think you are remotely cute.
Poof. Gallery chicken. Doing great (so annoying). Sweetest face (only to those who think cute is actually nice). Love him or her (hate them so much I’m going to spend night and day ensuring their safety.)
Meet Feo, or Fea. Tanto, tanto. (Ugly, so much, so much)
Heide Royer is the artist behind Heidinmyworld of Art. Her creative passion lies within the animal world and is expressed through her visually compelling artwork. She is also an aspiring writer telling stories of her chicken farm life in a new book entitled “All Cooped Up – My Life with Chickens During A Pandemic”, filled with crazy antics and a lot of fowl play. It’s sure to bring laughter to any poultry loving household.
Thanks again to Heide for sharing her stories and photos, used with permission.
Bitchin' Chickens 
Laughing!! Love it
LikeLiked by 1 person