The Funny Farm: If Your Chickens Don’t Kill You, They’ll Make You Stronger

I’ve posted lots about the therapeutic benefits of keeping chickens and the heart-warming experiences we have with our flocks, but, seriously, they’re not as entertaining as the tales of the weird challenges chicken keepers face. Where would television programs about bloopers or America’s Funniest Home Videos be without someone falling, being hit by something or having the bejesus scared out of them?

This post is the equivalent of poultry schadenfreude: the pleasure, joy, or self-satisfaction that comes from learning of or witnessing the troubles, failures, or humiliation of others. The old adage “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” comes to mind. There may have been a little embarrassment involved, maybe even some poop, but no one got seriously injured in the making of these stories.

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Dawn Tasha

I usually carry my broom around so I don’t get got by Henry but he was in the front yard so I thought I had enough time to let the babies out and run back inside. Now I’m trapped in the coop until either my boyfriend gets home or I grow a pair. I need to get over my fear because this is ridiculous! I’m much bigger than him; I shouldn’t be this scared of his punk a**.

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Kara Shank

Can I just say, the driving in my town SUCKS?! Long story short: a bus swerved in front of me on the interstate when I was in the middle lane and couldn’t do anything but hit the breaks. In my front seat were hatching eggs that went flying. I repaired them with a melted crayon, but had no idea if they would survive. Lo and behold, nine of the 12 are growing!

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Jessica Lynne

Y’all, I love my chickens. Like LOVE my chickens, but finding a giant ‘nipple’ first thing when I scooped up one of my girls for a cuddle this morning, only to have it partially explode on me when I moved her feathers to inspect and bumped it, is almost enough to make me say I’m done. Little girlfriend could’ve at least let me get a dang cup of coffee first. I wouldn’t really be done – I enjoy these little dinos too much – I’m just being dramatic.

There was a giant ‘plug’ that came out once the gold-looking material was removed and I was able to pull it out completely. Pics of before and after:

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Kelli Batts Cox

You know you’re old (and a little crazy) when figuring out what you’re going to wear out that night based on the following: 1: Are these pants thick enough to protect my legs if my rooster Lucifer tries to flog me? And 2: Are the pockets deep enough to hold my gun in case something comes out of the woods to get me or my chickens? I’m in a group on YouTube and another follower was recently attacked by a rabid coyote while feeding her chickens, almost killing her. If I wasn’t already on alert enough, I am now!

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Betsey Lape-Cabanillas

Very rarely do I do something as extravagant as getting my feet sanded down by someone else. One of the last times I went I had a smear of chicken poop on the back of my calf and shocked the man who was about to start in on the knees-down massage. I looked at his face and told him I was sorry, but I have chickens that I tended before coming, and washed it off with the fancy foot soak water myself. We moved forward to the next 40 minutes of me-time like it never happened.

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Angela Woodring

My chickens listen to me about as well as my kids do. They do, however, listen to my husband. The chickens listen. Not the kids. Two nights ago they were being nosey neighbours and found themselves a nice cubby. Last night, we got a phone call that they were visiting the neighbour again. This time they were at their front door. Peep the photo bomb. My boy was standing guard while the girls did whatever they were doing in the corner. He looks much chunkier than he really is. The camera adds a few pounds, right?

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Alyx Shaw

So this is a thing that happened: I bought mealworms for my indoor babies. Harvest LOVES mealworms. She knows I have been feeling very depressed and it does affect her when Mommy is sad. As I was sitting at my desk watching YouTube videos Harvest hopped onto my lap, climbed up onto my chest and, without my consent, fed me a mealworm. It was dried, so not too bad, but NOT what I needed to improve my mood and, because my bloodline is weak, I ate it so as not to hurt her feelings. Harvest is sure that all we need to do to be happy is eat more mealworms. Excuse me while I go brush my teeth.

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Pam Cote

Advice for removing a soft-shelled egg left inside your hen:

Seriously, light a few candles

Play some Barry White

Soak her in warm Epsom salt bath for 10-15 minutes

Get a glove, lube up with KY jelly

Now go for third base! 

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Thanks to everyone who shared their stories and photos. Featured photo credit: Ashley Smith