The Funny Farm: Advice For Online Chicken Groups

I’m one of those folks who has spent many hours in online chicken groups. Maybe a decade or so ago I popped in occasionally to post a question. Since I started blogging I scroll through groups daily to learn something new, meet up with the seemingly small community of likeminded folks who rely on science and sometimes to get a finger on the pulse of what’s going on with small flock keepers far and wide.

I remember as a new chicken owner posting in groups with the ubiquitous, and perhaps, annoying questions like “Hen or roo?”, “When will my hen lay?” or something equally banal. Now that I’ve got years under my belt those queries seem redundant, but we all have to start somewhere and the task of us old timers is to educate folks that are new to poultry.

Here’s fellow chicken keeper, Jadyn’s, take on what are the most pressing questions in online chickenland. Hint: pin this one to your fridge and spare group members from having to answer them one more time.

Answers To Commonly Asked (i.e. All The Time) Questions

You can eat your hens’ first egg.
If you think your she is a he, it probably is.
Wash your eggs, don’t wash your eggs. Refrigerate them, don’t refrigerate them. The rest of us aren’t the ones consuming them; you are.
Diatomaceous Earth, if used in moderation, won’t hurt your chickens.
Free range, don’t free range. Only you know what’s safest for your chickens.
Yes, chicken math is real.
You can baby your chickens or you can treat them like livestock, only serving the purpose of food. That’s your business, not anyone else’s.
Permectrin/Permethrin is great for treating mites and lice.
If you’re not prepared for chickens yet get them anyways, that’s fine, just make the effort to educate yourself as much as possible. It’s okay to be impulsive sometimes.
Don’t believe every chicken conspiracy you read on the internet.
It’s very normal for your first time chicken to lay a tiny egg. Otherwise known as a fart egg. It will improve.
Asking for opinions every now and then is great, but remember that Joe Blow from Facebook shouldn’t have any real say in what you deem best for your animals.

If you’re new and reading this, welcome to the chicken world. You’ll love it.

“Answers To Basic Questions Asked 200 Times A Day”.

Your hens aren’t laying as many eggs because it’s getting colder, daylight is getting shorter, they are molting, or they’re just getting old.
Your chickens don’t need a heat source in 40F degree weather. They really don’t even need a heat source in winter. Put up a wind block, throw down some shavings and watch nature work its magic.
Your hens would likely rather lay in a bucket of sh*t, than in the perfectly designed nesting boxes you just spent two weeks making.
If left to be raised in the wild, your chickens would roost on a tree branch. Your roost doesn’t have to be perfectly square, or the perfect width. You could literally give them a stick and they would love you for it.
Your chicken looks naked because of molt. It’s entirely normal and zero cause for concern.
Your rooster crowing has literally zero scientific evidence to support the notion that your hens will begin to lay shortly thereafter.
Hens can mount other hens, roosters fight other roosters, hens may fight a rooster. You have a dominant hen. You have a dominant rooster. They are establishing a literal pecking order.
Whoever told y’all you gotta crush the eggshell, only feed the yolk or cook the egg before giving back to your chickens, told you a fib. Step on the egg, break it open, watch them go to town. It’s not gonna encourage them to just eat all the eggs from now to eternity.
If given the opportunity, your flock will choose to do the opposite of whatever it is you’re wanting them to do. Want them to sleep on the roost? Nope, they’re gonna sleep on the ground. Want them to eat out of your feeder? Nope, they’re gonna eat off the ground. Want them to stop eating their eggs? Nope, they’re now gonna eat everyone’s eggs. Moral of the story? Expect nothing, never be disappointed.
Chickens are ruthless.