The Funny Farm: All About Eggs

You know the old adage, “Which came first: the chicken or the egg?”. At the end of the day it doesn’t really matter because we love them both. Chickens can be challenging, but also beautiful and loads of entertainment. We think of their eggs as an added bonus, in that, they are often pretty and always great to eat. The following stories also prove that just like their parents, they, too, can bring us a few chuckles.

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Pasithea Justitia 

Today I’m thankful for my OCD. The constant compulsions do get old, but we’re lucky today.  I heard our rooster crow and felt my compulsion to check each chicken three times. I noticed Rosey wasn’t with everyone and found her alone on the ground in the run, not in bed. When I picked her up she felt wet. I looked her over and saw her vent was dirty. I cleaned it and then put a diaper on her since she’s inside the house. That’s when I noticed her vent was five times its normal size and an egg was sticking out. I freaked out; this hadn’t happened before. I screamed for my husband asking what do it do, and he responded, “I don’t know, what do you do?”  I thought of women having babies and just gently helped her push it out. Poor baby. It was a soft-shelled egg that must have been in there a few days. I gave Greg the egg and thought that’s it then, boom, broken eggs started coming out.

We were wondering why we only get two eggs from three hens each day. It was so intense. I had to help her pass it all. Luckily since I’m a freak and take pets to the vet over anything, I have antibiotics and pain medication for chickens. I gave some to her to prevent an infection. She’s on my lap now. Poor baby probably hasn’t been able to poop for days. I was already worried because I noticed her comb was flopped over. Most of the time my anxiety is for nothing but this time it saved sweet Rosey’s life. Those stuck eggs would have killed her, especially the broken ones.

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John Dietrich

My neighbour has some chickens, but they’re hidden from view behind a 6’ tall wooden fence. Local ordinances frown on them, but in a small rural town most people don’t care and ignore the stupid ordinance; people see it as someone sustaining one’s existence in a practical way. Since I’m retired, I do spend a lot of time outside working or goofing off in our little yard. During the day, I keep track of how many eggs I think have been laid that day by listening to the hens bragging about their ‘work-product’.  Yesterday I heard five ‘declarations of positive results’. I just smile and say to myself, “Well done, you”.

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Christina Rottën

The other day I collected a few eggs and put them in my pocket because I didn’t have the container I normally use. Man, I tripped over my own booted foot, fell into the doorframe and cracked the eggs in my pocket! Note to self: don’t put eggs in your pockets. It was such a gross feeling, warm slime running down my leg. And of course it was on the booted foot! Couldn’t have been on the other foot with the easy shoe. The dogs went crazy following me back into the house trying to get my pants.

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Kathy Brown Carrillo  

Have you ever heard something that just made you look at someone and say, “Are you for real?” It happened twice on Sunday evening (in less than three minutes of each other). We need to bring two dozen eggs to church next Sunday. No green or blue eggs, just brown. I asked why and he said, “I don’t like green eggs”. I said, “You know it’s just the shell colour and not the yolk colour?” He was adamant, just brown. This led to a discussion with someone else that said you aren’t supposed to use green eggs in baking cakes; they change the colour of your cake. He was so serious I was speechless.

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Vicki Shoemaker

I guess I take for granted that people know about chicken eggs. We sell ours and last weekend a young lady asked about the eggs. I said yes we have green eggs; also blue, tan, dark brown dotted, and light tan. She looked at me like I had a horn growing out of my head and asked me if I colour them first before selling them. Ummm, no. Then asked if they needed to go ‘pick’ them themselves. Ummmm, no. She was quite entertaining!

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Rebecca Billey

“I will hatch all the eggs by staring at them for 23 hours a day, it should totally work.”

Follow Karen for more life altering tips and advice.  House chicken Napkin laid all of them under my husband’s shirts, bed, suitcase and bathroom. Oh, and one I’m pretty sure just fell out of her in the hallway.

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Bonnie Schwarz

Ok, so let’s examine why chickens stop laying in the winter from their point of view:

Hi, I’m your hen. I’m a bird. Since I am not a penguin, however, I have evolved to only lay eggs when I am at my most confident they will be able to hatch, grow well and quickly, and keep my species alive. That will happen best in warm weather with lots of daylight. Since I have not always depended on you to bring me my food, my ancestors found out that when our eggs hatch, it is best if there are plenty of green things growing, bugs everywhere, and time to gather enough to feed our young families.

Mother Nature rewarded us for this behavior by giving us a break from egg laying in the shorter days of cold weather. By then, our young are fully feathered and able to fend for themselves. We look forward to our well-deserved break to rest, grow a whole new set of feathers, and prepare for the cycle to begin again in spring. Our biological clock is reset when the daylight hours are longer. And then, we start laying again. It’s hard work, but we don’t mind.

Please remember just because you caught us and cooped us up, does not mean our plans have changed. We still lay eggs for ONE REASON: to raise more baby chicks. And remember too, if we didn’t, chickens would already be extinct. So we kinda know what we are doing, OK?

Please don’t think we are ‘slackers’ or ‘freeloaders’ when we don’t lay an egg every day. WE ARE NOT LAYING THEM TO FEED YOU! That is a BONUS. Please thank us for the eggs we do give you, and for whatever other reason you may have for wanting us in your life. Our cousins, the dinosaurs, are already extinct, so just be thankful we’re still around. And thanks for the mealworms.

Love, your chickens.

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Thanks to everyone who shared their stories and photos. All coloured egg photos: Bitchin’ Chickens